Forgiveness

Taken in Rocky Point, Mexico earlier this year

When you think of forgiveness, you probably think of forgiving others – letting go of feelings of anger and resentment towards someone who has wronged you as a way of healing and being able to look past an incident.

And if you’re doing something unconventional with your life, there is probably someone who could use a little forgiveness right now.

No, I’m not talking about the people close to you who don’t understand what you’re trying to accomplish and aren’t being as supportive as you’d like (although you’ll want to forgive them too – and then find people who will support you).

I’m talking about you.

We are our own worst critic. We internally berate ourselves every single day for not being enough, for not making as much progress as so-and-so, for wanting to take a day off to watch TV instead of working at our dream, for not having as much discipline, focus, and strength as we feel like we should.

No one is perfect, even though it might look that way from the outside. It’s okay that you’re not Wonder Woman or Superman. Learn to forgive yourself. Repeat as often as necessary.

When you’re not waging a silent war against your own mind, everything flows better.

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33 Responses to Forgiveness

  1. marijka May 25, 2017 at 2:16 pm #

    Amen. I’ve battled perfectionism since childhood, and it’s a hell of a burden. Age, reading, meditation, etc., have helped, but my inherent reaction to ‘failure’ is shame. No one is as hard on me as I am, so I repeatedly ask myself how I would react if it were another person and work at being more kind and forgiving – to myself!

    • Becky May 26, 2017 at 9:43 am #

      That’s a good practice to have marijka, put yourself in the position of someone else.

  2. Jim May 25, 2017 at 4:49 pm #

    This blog post is a microcosm of some of your best material. To the extent you advocate people consider hitting the road (if that’s what is right for them), I think blog posts like this are helpful in stimulating healthy contemplation for those who think about this stuff. Whether the result is keeping someone off the road that shouldn’t go or getting someone on the road that should go, this stuff is helpful sorting it all out.

    • Becky May 26, 2017 at 9:46 am #

      Glad you enjoyed this Jim, thanks.

      I’m always telling people that going full-timing won’t change who they are, and this is one of the things I mean when I say that.

  3. Jodee Gravel May 25, 2017 at 4:59 pm #

    Few people in our lives are as hard on us as us – so very true. Learning forgiveness isn’t easy, but oh the rewards are so wonderful :-))
    Jodee Gravel recently posted..Emeralds, Diamonds and Sapphires – Crater Lake, OregonMy Profile

    • Becky May 26, 2017 at 9:47 am #

      Sure is Jodee. Patience and repetition are the key I believe. We don’t just forgive ourselves and move on, we need to keep forgiving ourselves.

  4. Sue Davis May 25, 2017 at 5:07 pm #

    I read something once that I wish I had paid better attention to so that I could go back and find it and keep it to share at times like this. The moral of the story was that we (you and me) are so busy worrying about our faults (looks, acts, inability, on and on and on) that we probably spend up to 75% of our awake time finding fault in ourself. That only leaves 25% for taking care of the necessary functions that keep us operating. What we fail to realize is that the people we are so worried about who we feel are judging us are also spending 75% of their waking time worrying about their faults. So if we think we are that important to work our way into their 25% of functioning thoughts then we will be sadly surprised to know that we probably don’t even get 1% if they even think of us at all. This helps me to ease up on my own “stinkin’ thinkin'” and move on to my next learning experience, aka mistakes and blunders. We are only human!

    • Becky May 26, 2017 at 9:51 am #

      Agreed Sue. I’ve hear a similar theory and shared it on the blog in the past. It said that we only see people’s best 10%, the 10% that they put out to the world. And we always try to compare our worst 90% to their best, not realizing that we can’t see their 90% either, and it’s probably as messy and contradictory as our own. Different numbers but similar idea. 🙂

  5. MnDreamer May 26, 2017 at 4:54 am #

    Wow, I really needed this one today. Thank you.

    • Becky May 26, 2017 at 9:51 am #

      You’re welcome Mn.

  6. Claudia May 26, 2017 at 5:44 am #

    This came at the perfect time. Thank you so very much.

    • Becky May 26, 2017 at 9:52 am #

      So glad Claudia, you’re welcome!

  7. Ed Brownfield May 26, 2017 at 6:28 am #

    Becky, you’ve done it again, given your readers great insight into how to live a happy fullfilled life! I continue to be impressed by your wisdom and isights into living a rich life at such a young age, most of us have to live a lot longer and have many more life experiences to gain the wisdom and knowledge that you have. If we lived the words in this post we would all be much happier individuals. Thank you for posting!!!!

    • Becky May 26, 2017 at 9:53 am #

      You’re welcome Ed, glad you enjoyed this!

  8. Angela May 26, 2017 at 8:27 am #

    Good reminder! From one of my favorite songs: “forgive yourself and then you’re gonna heal… and live again!”

    • Becky May 26, 2017 at 9:54 am #

      I enjoy inspirational songs too Angela, glad you liked this.

  9. Suzanne Gostek May 26, 2017 at 8:55 am #

    Hit home today…thanks for the words of encouragement.

    • Becky May 26, 2017 at 9:54 am #

      You’re welcome Suzanne, we all need a reminder now and then.

  10. Alane in Durango Colorado May 26, 2017 at 10:03 am #

    I am winding down a 27-year stint in a job right now, as part of releasing of my current life so I can begin a new life as a full-time RVer. I find myself reflecting on the things I didn’t do in that career and blaming myself for not making more of myself in that role. But this post is a good reminder to forgive myself. I can’t go back and make different choices. If I were my friend, I would tell me to focus on all the good parts of that phase of life, to accept myself for doing the best I could, and to get ready for a fresh new start.
    Thanks for reminding me that I can let myself off the hook, just as I do for other people.

    • Becky May 27, 2017 at 9:53 am #

      Exactly Alane, I’m always so much more forgiving of others than myself. It’s important to focus on what went well, and if you did the best you could that’s all anyone can ask.

      Best of luck to you as you prepare to go full-timing. Safe travels and happy trails.

  11. Ken w May 26, 2017 at 12:11 pm #

    Wise beyond your years…..Ken W

    • Becky May 27, 2017 at 9:57 am #

      Thanks Ken.

  12. Jimmy May 26, 2017 at 12:34 pm #

    I’ll throw in and riff off this……….=)

    This is mostly to Becky’s READERS, and not so much to our gracious host herself (No offense, Beck, but you are an anomaly, as a relatively young Full-timer. I’m late 50s, and I suspect most of your readers are +/- 15 years or so of me……

    That said……All our lives we have been taught and conditioned to have purpose and goals. Go to school so you can do this or that. Do “X” so you can later do “Y”. I hope to achieve Z by age (n). Etc.

    Now that’s not a bad thing. In fact, it’s a good thing. Goals and purpose are NECESSARY in order to live a fulfilling life. But sometimes we need to re-orient our purpose and goals, and unfortunately feel like failures when we fail to achieve what we originally set out to do.

    To those who were regular watchers of Seinfeld ( and I assume that’s many of you) I offer SERENITY NOW: What about if the purpose of RV-ing………..IS RV-ING?

    (I think I just accidentally stumbled on something rather Zen-like. LOL LOL LOL…..=)

    • Jimmy May 26, 2017 at 12:55 pm #

      Riff II:

      Variants no doubt go back to the dawn of time, but as popularized by French philosopher and writer Voltaire about 300 years ago—–

      “Perfect is the enemy of good”

      https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Perfect_is_the_enemy_of_good

      • David H May 27, 2017 at 7:45 pm #

        Thanks Jimmy, immediately also came the thought of “…the enemy of ‘good enough’ ”.
        I excelled in school but if I could do it all over again I’d wish to trade many of the A’s for ‘good enough’ B’s and C’s and experience/learn more widely with less fear of not ‘measuring up’. Am in the elder class now and aware some of the most interesting and plain savvy-at-living people I’ve met did not even do much ‘higher’ education.

  13. KJ May 26, 2017 at 2:39 pm #

    I like this post. So true. Thank you.

    • Becky May 27, 2017 at 9:57 am #

      You’re welcome KJ, glad you found it helpful.

  14. Dan May 26, 2017 at 7:32 pm #

    Wow Becky! You read my mind today! I have been working through some photos of my Granddaughter’s 5th birthday and ballet recital. I always feel that the shot is just not right and will work for hours to make them better. My Son says the photos are outstanding and they are happy with them, but I never feel they are up to parr.
    Yes, I am my own worst critic!
    Guess that is part of me be a Virgo perfectionist!! Lol!!
    Thank you for pointing out this important issue.
    We are all human…

    • Becky May 27, 2017 at 10:00 am #

      Glad this came at a good time for you Dan.

      I’m not a Virgo but I am at times something of a perfectionist and I feel about my writing at times the way you feel about your photography. It helps to look at your work as if it were someone else’s and critiquing it that way. I’m sure your son is correct and the pictures are great. 🙂

  15. Kent May 27, 2017 at 9:52 am #

    Whew.. Forgiveness….
    I just Googled the word and got back over 80 million results.
    A big topic in this human trip we are on for sure and one I have spent a lot of time on in my own life. Both in giving and receiving. I could post about it for hours if not days weeks or years.

    For me anyway, and it took a while, was in realizing I was seeking forgiveness for the exact same things I needed to forgive. Maybe the best lesson from it is realizing we are all just human and most of us truly are just doing the best we can with what we have. I know too that in many areas of my life I had blinders on as to why I was doing what I was doing… In realizing this, (Actually it took someone to very kindly point it out to me.) I have been a lot more “graceful” toward others in my life.

    Self-forgiveness? That can be a tough one. I often cross the line between constructive self-criticism and a good self-flogging…………. There doesn’t seem to be a once and for all solution to it either.

    Ah, the joys of being human……

    Today marks three months a full-timer. I have learned much. In someways it has kept some things that I really don’t care to much for in my-self front and center. I’m not so sure but what facing “fear” in my life, head on, has been the only way I could learn to not live in it quite so much.

    One thing this lifestyle has done has been to create a sense of urgency, or, immediacy. The things that have come up, and there have been many, have needed to be dealt with quickly.. In someways any decision has been better than no decision even if there were some mistakes made along the way.

    • Becky May 27, 2017 at 10:07 am #

      I’m glad this article has given you things to think about Kent. The first six months or so of full-timing are the hardest and definitely are prone to bringing up any internal issues you may have as you learn what works and doesn’t work and how to deal with the lifestyle’s unique challenges. It’ll get easier if you stick with it!

      Best of luck to you, safe travels and happy trails.

  16. Hawk May 29, 2017 at 2:55 pm #

    Meaningful post. Thanks, Becky. All the best, Hawk

    • Becky May 29, 2017 at 5:12 pm #

      Glad you enjoyed this Hawk.

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