AAQ: On Marriage and Children

While working at Amazon this holiday season, I’m running a weekly “Ask A Question” post since I’m not sightseeing much and have limited time to write. You can find out more about AAQ here.

For today’s question, David asks: I was wondering if you’ve considered settling down with a ‘significant other’ or possibly having children?

Picture courtesy of Evan Forester

I get this frequently on the road (often from older couples on their way to visit children/grandchildren in other states). It’s a hard question to answer not because my feelings are mixed, but because it seems like the majority of people just can’t understand that there are women out there like me who really don’t need a significant other in their lives to be happy and have no urge, whatsoever, to have children.

I’ve always been this way. I was a tomboy growing up and had no interest in dolls or playing house. I never sat around with friends in high school discussing which boys were “hot” or who I wanted to date. When I was a young adult and people asked if I wanted kids someday I’d say “I don’t think I ever will, but I suppose that could change.” And that’s still my answer today. Maybe someday my ‘biological clock’ or whatever will kick in and my views will shift radically, but the older I get without it happening the slimmer I believe the chances to be.

For some reason, this answer often seems to trouble those who are happily married and have kids. I get comments like “Well, you just haven’t met the right person yet” and “Someday, it’ll happen”. It’s almost like they feel sorry for me for not desiring marital bliss or the joys of motherhood. I assume that they have gotten real pleasure, fulfillment and contentment from these two states of being and I’m happy that they have, it just has never felt right for me. I don’t feel like I’m missing out. I don’t lie awake at night wondering when my prince charming will show up. I never look at other people’s children and wonder what it would be like having my own. And I don’t feel like I’m “broken” for being this way, it’s just another facet of who I am. Strong sense of wanderlust, loves pizza, no desire to procreate.

Now, I have dated on the road. Very briefly, while I was working at Amazon in 2014. It was much more about meeting new people and getting out of the RV on weekends than a quest to find Mr. Right. I created an account on one of those online matchmaking websites and went on a couple dates. One was a bust, one was pretty fun. We had dinner (I paid my own bill) and talked. I had explained explicitly on my profile that I traveled and wasn’t looking for a relationship nor was I interested in casual sex. There were no expectations on either side, it was a nice evening.

I know that there are single full-timers out there (and singles thinking of full-timing) that are interested in finding that special someone to travel with. I have met a few couples on the road who met after one or both of them had gone full-timing, so it’s certainly not impossible to find love on the road. If you’re a solo full-timer who is interested in meeting someone, I did a video interview with Technomadia back in January about solo RVing and we did talk a little bit about dating on the road, you can find that video here.

Besides dating websites, there are also co-ed Facebook and forum groups out there for single RVers with a matchmaking element to them, but I can’t say if they’re worth it or not as I’ve never participated. If any of you readers know of other resources, feel free to share them in the comments.

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107 Responses to AAQ: On Marriage and Children

  1. Misty December 12, 2016 at 6:17 pm #

    Bravo for being brave enough to address this question. 🙂

    I get the same questions and the same sort of assumptions that I’m “broken” or somehow incomplete. I used to think this was something about being female, but my brother informs me that people do that to him, too. It just has a different tone, since he can just tell them that he’s waiting until he’s settled and able to support a family, and they’ll accept that answer.

    People are weird. You are beautiful. Carry on. XD
    Misty recently posted..HallelujahMy Profile

    • Becky December 12, 2016 at 6:49 pm #

      Sometimes I wonder how people can be happy working 40 hours a week 50 weeks out of the year, and why everyone doesn’t want to travel and see more of the world. But I can accept that they do, and thereby I can accept that for the person who has centered their life around building a family – what I do must seem strange.

      • Lucy December 12, 2016 at 7:30 pm #

        You are right on, sister !

  2. Old Fat Man December 12, 2016 at 6:20 pm #

    Well stated and I am in total agreement with your logic and feelings. Thanks for such good articulation on a subject I still catch quizzical looks from folks even at my age of 70..

    • Becky December 12, 2016 at 6:51 pm #

      You’re welcome. Most people are kind about it and at least pretend to understand. Those who look at me like I’m an alien are few and far between. 😉

  3. Don Bledsoe December 12, 2016 at 6:36 pm #

    Good for you!

    I am an old guy, happily married for near on to 40 years now (it will be 40 years December 31 2017). I love my wife today as as much as I did when I asked her to marry me over 40 years ago. But that turned out to be right for the two of us, we remain best friends to this day. But that doesn’t make your choice any less meaningful. You don’t need another to make you happy or feel content. If I did I would be a complete idiot. I do not and never have relied upon my wife to make me happy, nor she me. We do our own thing, hobbies, interests, etc. She has been extremely supportive of my hobbies over the years, drag racing cars and motorcycles, road racing motorcycles, long range target rifle shooting, photography, astronomy, etc. On the same hand I have been supportive of her hobbies, mostly bird watching, family events (I’m not much of a family type guy, I came from a small discombobulated family, she from a large cohesive family) but I darn sure enjoy her family events. We have two children but they are not our world. We made sure they had the moral strength and wisdom to make the right decisions for them in the world, and they have. For that we are thankful. Be that as it may, if we had no children our desire to explore, travel, and enjoy birding, nature, and photography would be no less an enthusiasm for either of us. We enjoy our time together but we also enjoy our time apart. We are, after all, individuals. Granted there is a tribal instinct in all of us, but the tribe might just be where you most unexpectedly find it. All good things in time. Enjoy your open road. If it finds you, so be it. If it doesn’t, so be it. You can’t miss what you don’t know. And that is how it should be.

    I applause your life choices. Go where the road leads you. You’ll know your destination when you get there.

    Don

    • Becky December 12, 2016 at 7:01 pm #

      Don, I’m glad the family thing worked out well for you, thanks for sharing.

      As for a tribe, I’ve found that with the various RVing communities I’m a part of. 🙂

  4. Sue Ann Jaffarian December 12, 2016 at 6:45 pm #

    Great post, Becky! I’m quite a bit older than you and have never married or had kids and people still think there’s something wrong with me. Nothing weird to see here, folks. I’m just not wired toward marriage or kids. And I don’t apologize for it. As soon as I announced that I wanted to full-time when I retired, several people gave me that “maybe you’ll finally meet Mr. Right when you’re travelling” comment. Um, I doubt it, but if I did meet someone, that’s okay too. Happy Trails!

    • Becky December 12, 2016 at 7:04 pm #

      Thanks for sharing your experiences Sue Ann. I’m glad you enjoyed this.

      My views on “Mr. Right” are pretty much the same: If it happens, that’s fine. But I’m not going to go out of my way to look.

    • Chris December 13, 2016 at 10:58 am #

      That is too funny. I have never married or had children and when I retired and said that I wanted to full-time RV, one of my friends told me the same thing. That maybe I would meet someone “special” while traveling. Highly unlikely, but who knows. I have zero desire to find a boyfriend but I wouldn’t mind traveling with one of my friends, if they were interested (which they aren’t). Being alone and being lonely are not the same.

      • Becky December 14, 2016 at 11:41 am #

        Too true Chris. That’s another question I get often: “Aren’t you lonely traveling by yourself?” Nope! I wrote a blog post about that too.

        I have traveled with my best friend in the Casita for a while and it was a lot of fun. She’s flying out to meet me in Phoenix later this month in fact and we’re going to ring in the New Year together. Hopefully you’ll get the opportunity to some day.

  5. Lana December 12, 2016 at 7:17 pm #

    Fantastic, thanks for representing happily single women! I’m not a full-time RV-er, but I still get pitying looks from people at campgrounds when I pull in and set up by myself. They just don’t understand how much fun I’m having! 😄

    • Becky December 14, 2016 at 11:43 am #

      Glad you enjoyed this Lana. Do men offer to help you back into your spot too? That happens to me often in campgrounds and I have to work to keep from giggling, knowing that I have more experience with hitching and backing the trailer with four years of constant practice than many of these guys do who are just vacationers.

  6. Jeff December 12, 2016 at 7:17 pm #

    Becky – this is a nice post on a tough personal subject. Marriage is a commitment for sure, but not to the extent that a family is! I’ve been there and do not regret a moment of my choice, but it was indeed my choice. I tell my daughter “If I’d known the grand-girls would be so much fun – I’d had them first!”There is so wanderlust in all of us, I certainly appreciate your sharing your experiences with the rest of us!

    • Becky December 14, 2016 at 11:45 am #

      Glad you enjoyed this Jeff. I’ve seen shirts and things with that grandkids comment on it, too funny. 😉

  7. Paula Frazee December 12, 2016 at 7:46 pm #

    You’re a lot more likely to find someone compatible who is also on the road already and likes the lifestyle. I know lots of people who have had no interest in having children, the problem comes in when their partner does and talks them into it. That results in unhappiness all around.

    • Becky December 14, 2016 at 11:48 am #

      Yes Paula the thought has occurred to me as you meet so many more people on the road than those living stationary do.

  8. Don Bledsoe December 12, 2016 at 8:05 pm #

    Not sure if my post came across as intended. What I intended is you don’t need mr./ms right to enjoy life, or make it so-called “Whole” in someone else’s think. To me it appears you have found that out. I applaud you that. All you need is you and determination.

    Many of we travelers on the road to Shamballa find various paths, to each our own, and few of them are incorrect.

    I offer this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PDpVS7D9AJs

    • Becky December 14, 2016 at 11:56 am #

      Yes Don, I know of a couple women who are unhapppily single and they choose the wrong man again and again (it always ends poorly) rather than be alone, and it makes me sad Don. I wish they could understand this.

  9. Dawn in MI December 12, 2016 at 8:05 pm #

    Though I’m married I never wanted children either, so I get that part. Now that I’m 60 I do on occasion think other people’s kids are cute and wonder what it might have been like. For about 15 seconds, and then I realize I’m relieved I don’t and didn’t have that responsibility. I think there are plenty of kids in the world and don’t feel like I needed to add more. I also think I’d be just fine RVing alone, though I guess the spousal unit would object to it being full time. 🙂

    • Becky December 14, 2016 at 12:00 pm #

      Thanks for sharing your thoughts Dawn. And yeah, the spousal unit would probably be miffed. 😉

  10. Del December 12, 2016 at 8:26 pm #

    Well done Becky! Good writing, balanced answer. I think a lot, probably most all of us (your readers) completely support and respect your choices in this and a lot of other stuff. Just as an aside, there are a fair amount of us marrieds who’ve chosen to not have kids even though, like you, we really dig pizza and the road!

    • Becky December 14, 2016 at 12:07 pm #

      Haha, good to know Del.

  11. Ron December 12, 2016 at 10:32 pm #

    I really like your reply to the question, well written and logically explained at least from my perspective. Your wisdom is great.

    • Becky December 14, 2016 at 12:14 pm #

      Glad you enjoyed this Ron.

  12. Milly December 12, 2016 at 11:17 pm #

    I’m the same as you. Not romantic. Never plan to marry and definitely not having kids. The only trouble is that my mother is elderly and needs someone to care for her, and she has me. Who am I going to have when I’m here age to make sure I’m not abused in hospital care and so forth? That’s the only downside I see.
    Milly recently posted..CocopahMy Profile

    • Steve December 13, 2016 at 5:18 am #

      If it’s any consolation, Milly, half the time it’s the children doing the abusing. 😉😀

    • Becky December 14, 2016 at 12:18 pm #

      I’ve thought of that too Milly. I’m saving up money in an IRA to hopefully cover for my care when I get too old to care for myself (although I also hope I go quickly when the time comes and I don’t linger).

      But even having children doesn’t guarantee they’ll stick around to help an elderly parent, I’ve heard of those stories of estrangement, irresponsibility, etc.

  13. Sylvia Jones December 13, 2016 at 4:33 am #

    So glad you are a thinker and not just a “go-along-with-the-crowd” person. So many girls are and marriage and family is not for them, but they are like sheep. This leads to heartbreak for a whole bunch of people. When you are brought up in a rural or economically depressed area, girls often think that marriage and a family is their only choice. So thankful for females like you who follow their dreams.
    I love following your adventures. My kids are grown with families of their own. I am not dead yet and I have started gathering camping gear, so I still have hope.
    Prayers for safe and more amazing travels, Becky.
    p.s. Thanks again for sharing.

    • Becky December 14, 2016 at 12:51 pm #

      I wish you all the best Sylvia, RVing is a lot of fun. Glad you enjoyed this post.

  14. Steve December 13, 2016 at 5:05 am #

    Dear Becky,

    I have had a different, but similar, experience to yours. After working 28 years as a physician, I decided to quit the clinic I worked in and partially owned. I wanted a “second act”, even if that act was to do the things that are unique passions of mine, such as disc “Frisbee” golf, inline skating, playing the ukulele, writing a novel. Anyhow, three years ago, at age 48, I’d had all I could stomach of the 25-patient-a-day, paperwork-and-forms-to-the-ceiling life. So I up and quit. Sold my share of the by then 100 doc clinic, transitioned my patients to partners over three months, and cried tears of joy when I drove away from it after that last day. My shirt looked like I’d jumped in a pond!

    How does this relate to your post? I, too, fielded the barbs of the expectations of others.

    “But you’re only 48.” (Only 48? Now there’s a comment heard exclusively when talking about work! Any other endeavor and it’s like “Well, you’re 48…you’d better damn well get on with it now, shouldn’t cha”)

    “How brave of you.” (Soldiers are brave. Firefighters and daredevils are brave. Trust me, I ain’t brave!)

    “Geez, you worked so hard in school to be a doc and now you’re going to throw it all away?” (Answer: Yes and yes. LOL)

    “What if you get bored?” (Bulletin: not one bored day in three years; loads of casual days in PJs planning my next memorable experience, but not an ounce of boredom. I’m sure you can relate, Becky).

    How sad for anyone to carry the weight of the expectations of others. How sad for others to follow a life based on the expectations of the norm.

    Keep the faith, Becky. Thanks for sharing this and all your experiences. I’m astonished by your intelligence and articulate “voice”. Thank you for being you. Steve in Chicago.

    • Marilyn in Dania Beach December 13, 2016 at 6:21 am #

      Steve,

      I applaud you for making such a life changing decision and following through with it with vigor. The same goes for Becky. She has attracted a diverse and intelligent following with her intelligent posts. Enjoy your experiences. Please share with us when your writings are published. From your post I feel they will be excellent.

      Marilyn

      • Steve December 14, 2016 at 12:38 pm #

        Thanks so much for your kind words, Marilyn. Steve

    • Rambling Dave December 13, 2016 at 6:54 am #

      Steve,

      I had a similar experience to yours. I worked in IT for 20 years until I just couldn’t take it any longer and up and quit. It felt like I’d been living but not really LIVING, if that makes any sense. No one could understand why I walked away from a high paying salary and “secure” future at age 45. The afternoon I drove away from there I cried too. Now I spend a lot of time hiking and camping and just hanging out and it’s been great. I’m getting a passport and slowly building out my little SUV for longer trips. In seven months when my lease is finally up I’m going to hit the road for a while and see where life takes me. In some ways it feels like I’ve woken up from the Matrix.

      Becky,

      I’m in my forties and single, never married, no kids, never had any desire to have any of those things. I get the weird looks and condescending comments too – although less than I used to because I’m getting older now. The most frustrating part was because I’m male most assumed that I must be gay, which wasn’t the case (not that there’s anything wrong with that.)

      Anyway, thanks for posting this.

      • Becky December 14, 2016 at 1:48 pm #

        Glad you enjoyed this Dave.

        As for the second part of your comment, sometimes I’m tempted to tell guys who flirt with me (whom I have no interest in) that I’m a lesbian so they’ll leave me alone. I never do, but I think about it.

        Some people think that my best friend and I must be a couple because of how well we get along and how much time we spend together, but we’re not. I find it mildly amusing but I can see where it would be frustrating too.

      • Steve December 15, 2016 at 1:07 pm #

        Dave, hi! I’ve replied twice here over the past two days, typing out a long reply. But, they never seem to come through (perhaps because I was trying to share a Youtube link with you). Bottom line, we are kindred spirits. Thanks for your reply and sharing your story.

    • Meg December 13, 2016 at 5:01 pm #

      If I had a nickel for every time someone’s called me brave for taking off on the road by myself, I could take us all out to a very nice lunch.

      You’re not brave if you’re not scared. Period. Thanks.
      Meg recently posted..first quilt finish since I got backMy Profile

      • Steve December 14, 2016 at 12:41 pm #

        Excellent point, Meg. 🙂

      • Becky December 14, 2016 at 1:49 pm #

        Yeah Meg. In my opinion bravery is acting despite fear, not a lack of fear. 🙂

    • Becky December 14, 2016 at 1:44 pm #

      Thanks for sharing Steve, I felt much the same on my last day of work, it felt so good pulling out of that parking lot for the last time! I wish you all the best.

    • Sandy December 14, 2016 at 5:34 pm #

      I’ve heard the “you are brave” comment, too. I really don’t get that one.

  15. Rob December 13, 2016 at 7:01 am #

    Off the wall questions, what an interesting way to pass the time while you make your money & help get the stuff I buy from Amazon to me 🙂

    I have noticed that people tend to judge others with the standards they use for their life (“normal”), it’s difficult to look at something different & think it’s ok… so much of the world is “right” OR “wrong” that ‘just different’ is hard to see.

    Nothing wrong with being different, the world is a big place & there is room for lot’s of ideas on how to live your life. it is after all “your” life!

    I met my wife at a vandweller gathering in Alabama. I was not looking for a spouse/partner, this was very unexpected, it just happened but “I” am happier for it…but that’s “me”.

    We are all individuals, there is no “one size fits all” when it comes to living your life.

    • Becky December 14, 2016 at 2:05 pm #

      In previous years Rob I did a photo post every week, but as I had less overtime this year I decided to do the AAQ thing instead. I’ve been pleased with how it’s gone.

      As for finding a partner to travel with, that’s great and I’m glad it’s worked out for you two. 🙂

  16. Jim December 13, 2016 at 7:09 am #

    Good for you. You are your own person and need not try to fulfil other’s expectations.
    Jim recently posted..At the Salton Sea…My Profile

  17. Alyson December 13, 2016 at 8:36 am #

    This topic really hit home with me. It’s always the outliers that are perceived as “not normal”, however “normal” doesn’t exist without them.

    I was normal once – I married young and had kids. But I was divorced by 28 – that was almost 30 years ago. Even though I had 2 young sons I was supporting, family and friends were always telling me I should re-marry. They just couldn’t understand how I could be happy without a man by my side. It just wasn’t normal.

    Don’t get me wrong, I’ve dated throughout the years trying to find someone to share some of my life with but have been told that I am “too independent”. Yes, I am sorry to report that was in this century.

    Now that I’m getting ready to solo full time in the Spring, the same family and friends think I’m crazy to leave the comfortable lifestyle I’ve built to become a wanderer. But they all believe that I am capable of handling it on my own and that I will follow my own path.

    You don’t need to justify your choices to anyone. Remember- Cinderella didn’t ask for a prince, she just wanted a night off and a new dress.

    • Becky December 14, 2016 at 2:19 pm #

      Glad you enjoyed this post Alyson and thanks for sharing.

  18. Angelack December 13, 2016 at 9:32 am #

    Independence is a great thing. That includes independence from living an expected “normal” life.
    I’m divorced now and love my freedom. One of my children does not want kids (I’m totally supportive) and the other is too irresponsible and selfish to have them. I’m fine with no grandkids. It’s their life, they don’t need to make me a grandma.
    Enjoy your life as you see fit.

    • Becky December 14, 2016 at 2:40 pm #

      My parents would like grandkids, but they don’t get vocal about it which is nice. My brother isn’t any closer to providing them than I am.

  19. Judy Blinkenberg December 13, 2016 at 10:22 am #

    You are a grown, indipendent, woman and you are just fine doing what you do. I am sorry for those who do not understand. I have thought many times that I wish I could be single and live near the beach somewhere, have all the time to sew I want, and not be told what to do with my time and money! You are living the kind of life many of us want to, Becky. I’d say some of us are a little envious!!

    • Becky December 14, 2016 at 2:55 pm #

      Yeah it’s impossible to please everyone Judy, and that’s okay. 🙂 Clearly the readership of my blog understands.

  20. David McIntyre December 13, 2016 at 10:35 am #

    Thanks Becky for your honest and blunt answer to my question. You are an amazing young lady that I hope to meet someday after I get my RV and I’d love to take you to dinner [my treat, I insist]. God bless!

    • Becky December 14, 2016 at 2:56 pm #

      You’re welcome David and thanks for the offer.

  21. Chris December 13, 2016 at 11:14 am #

    I am a 60 year old single woman, recently retired, with no kids. I look around my 5th wheel that I now full-time in and I think how lucky I am. I am from Minnesota but am currently in Arizona for the winter. It is 71 degrees here and 3 degrees there right now. I am having a blast! I feel like I am on a wonderful vacation. I do whatever I like, when I like. If I get tired of the scenery here, I can hitch up and move anytime. I like to do crafts, visit the neighbors, go sightseeing, and play with my pets. I love that I can travel, yet sleep in my own comfortable bed every night. Everyone needs to find what works for them, and not be afraid to pursue it. Life is short!

    • Becky December 14, 2016 at 2:57 pm #

      I’m glad that full-timing is working out so well for you Chris.

      And yes, southern Arizona is great this time of year. I can’t way to get out there in a couple weeks.

    • Maria_levy December 18, 2016 at 11:42 am #

      Chris, I am living in Minnesota and plan to full time in about 5 years. I also am single with no kids. Can you tell me if you workamp or are you retired. I like to hear how full timers manage financially as I plan my departure from the main stream work life.

  22. Robbie December 13, 2016 at 11:21 am #

    Been married 47 years to the same woman. 40 great years, fortunately the last 40. We had two “unplanned” kids. Educated them. The Boy turned out great, family man. The Girl married young to a great Guy, just would not appreciate him, would not be nice to him. Had to have a child to “fix” the marriage in spite of our severe protestations. Child is severely disabled won’t ever talk or walk. Now they’re getting a divorce. I’ll have to support my daughter in her old age. I can do it, it’s just not how we wanted things to turn out. Sometimes kids hold a marriage together until things get better, sometimes they split it up. Former for us,latter for them. Big step marriage, bigger step having kids. Both entail lots of heartache, lots of responsibility. Is it all worth it? Some say yes, some say no.
    I’m not a “good man” by nature, but my wife has made me a much “better man”. So there is that.
    Hang in there Becky! You have a good head on your shoulders. You make our hearts and minds soar with your adventures and philosophy. Merry Christmas. God Bless.

    • Becky December 14, 2016 at 3:03 pm #

      Thanks for sharing Robbie. Merry Christmas to you as well!

  23. Gary December 13, 2016 at 11:45 am #

    Hi Becky, I think my love for the RV lifestyle is what made me single. After 24 years of marriage, raising two kids and working an average of 54 hours a week, I always looked forward to getting away. Unfortunately, it was usually go Saturday and head back Sunday. I only get time off in the winter. The wife lost interest, the kids grew up, and it ended in divorce. I ended up with the RV, which has been my full time home for 4 years now. I have no interest in a relationship. I still work long hours and am saving funds to prepare for hopefully an early retirement and then hit the road. I can not get enough of this lifestyle and have no urge to get a home or apartment. Winter time is my play time, and I travel the east coast from Palm trees to Snow men and everywhere in between.
    I have met many retired folks who dove into the full timing thing, only to end up cutting it short because one of them started missing the grand kids.
    Keep doing what you are doing. You seem very happy. As far as myself, should someone ask. All I can say is been there and done that Im much happier now.

    • Becky December 14, 2016 at 3:11 pm #

      I’m glad you’re happier now Gary and best of luck as you prepare to hit the road.

  24. pamelab December 13, 2016 at 11:53 am #

    Hi, there, Becky –
    Nobody knows what is the best for someone else. You are the only one that knows how you feel. I’m a senior citizen and still don’t know what is good for others. We all usually do the best we can at any given time with the information we have. Next year, it may change.
    I have been a widow for thirty years. I have grown children and grandchildren and if I fall in love again, we’ll see. I am living my life and enjoying being full time in my Casita.
    2017 could be the year when I do more boondocking for longer periods of time and see some of the National Parks! Looking forward to that.
    Thanks for sharing, even when you didn’t have to.
    I always enjoy your blog.
    Pamelab heading to Lubbock TX for the holidays

    • Becky December 14, 2016 at 3:21 pm #

      I hope you get the chance to visit some national parks Pamela, they’ve been one of my favorite things about traveling.

      I’ll be in Lubbock too, arriving just before Christmas. Happy holidays to you and take care.

  25. squeakytiki December 13, 2016 at 1:04 pm #

    I can relate to this on so many levels. Always fun when the wife of the person you’re talking to suddenly feels ‘threatened’ after learning of your single-ness and finds excuses to keep their man away. Because obviously, if you’re single you’re just waiting to steal the next guy that comes along. *eyeroll*
    And as someone who’s biological clock is ‘ticking’? It hasn’t made me want children anymore now than I did before.

    • Becky December 14, 2016 at 3:34 pm #

      I’ve never had an issue with that Tiki, yikes.

      As for the biological clock thing, I’m referring to the phenomenon where a person suddenly realizes their time is running out and they better find someone and have kids while they still can. I’ve heard this referred to as someone realizing their biological clock is ticking, but I’m not sure where the phrase first came from. I haven’t experienced it and I guess you haven’t either.

      • squeakytiki December 14, 2016 at 4:19 pm #

        I’m 49, so if I had a biological clock the ticking would be pretty loud by now, I guess.
        Fortunately we both seem to be blessed with a broken one 🙂

        • Becky December 16, 2016 at 9:20 am #

          Haha, yes indeed.

  26. raz December 13, 2016 at 1:50 pm #

    most people don’t have a normal life, they have an “ORDINARY” life. i’m not ordinary. whew. neither are you. good.

    ice cream. raz

    • Becky December 14, 2016 at 3:35 pm #

      “Normal people scare me”

      Can’t remember where that quote came from but it’s always amused me. Never settle for ordinary (or mediocrity). Aim for amazing. We only have one life after all. 🙂

  27. Linda Sand December 13, 2016 at 2:10 pm #

    When our daughter, an only child, said to me that if she never had kids we would never have grandkids I told her not to blame that on me; if I wanted to I could always borrow someone’s child. She’s now 47 and we’re both glad she decided not to have kids. She drives and lives in a semi-truck which is sort of like RVing but with the company telling you where to go. 🙂

    • Becky December 14, 2016 at 3:40 pm #

      I’ve met several nice semi drivers on my adventures Linda, cool. 🙂

  28. Maria December 13, 2016 at 3:28 pm #

    Becky,

    I feel very strongly that each of us must live our life on our own terms and not some “one size fits all” definition of life. I have been following your blog for a while and am very impressed by your sense of self and courage to live life on your terms. I am much older than you, never married, or had children and I have no regrets. In fact, I know I made the right choices for me and you may be shocked at how many of us out here are like you. I worked as a healthcare executive for many years and knew I could never be happy in the traditional Mom/Wife role. As for dating, it is difficult because some men after a period of time will want more and try and change you. Stay true to yourself and never stop following your heart. Oh, I am about to become a full time RV’er in January for the second time and hope to meet you on the road one day.

    • Becky December 14, 2016 at 3:50 pm #

      Best of luck to you as you prepare to hit the road Maria and thanks for sharing.

  29. Meg December 13, 2016 at 4:57 pm #

    I could have written this, except that I was programmed enough growing up that it took me two divorces before I hit 35 to realize that I am happiest single. Thank goodness I figured out that I didn’t want kids before I was old enough to physically be able to have them, and stuck to my guns about it.
    Meg recently posted..first quilt finish since I got backMy Profile

    • Becky December 14, 2016 at 4:04 pm #

      Yeah, it’s a good thing you figured it out before having kids.

  30. Elizabeth December 13, 2016 at 7:31 pm #

    Becky, I admire you for your convictions. So many people think they have to get married, have kids, a spouse and a house to have a good life. While I am married and have children & grandchildren, I completely understand someone loving your lifestyle. I would love to travel full time but my husband doesn’t want to, so I’m stuck to just going “sometimes”. I firmly believe that you have to be happy with yourself before you can be truly happy, so I think you have that mastered very well. I love your posts and enjoy your travels with you.

    • Becky December 14, 2016 at 4:12 pm #

      I’m glad you enjoyed this Elizabeth and thank you for following along.

  31. marijka December 13, 2016 at 7:40 pm #

    I’m 53, never married, no children – by choice. When people act shocked about it, I have no problem being shocked that they are! I generally ask how many times they’ve been divorced 🙂 Seriously, though, I’ve always felt a complete person all by myself, never felt empty or needful of anyone else for the long term, never felt a ticking clock. My brother has also never married or had kids. We were both raised to be self-sufficient and independent, so I guess it worked. lol So while I’m confident and social when around others, I also have very strong hermit tendencies and having a person hovering just gets on my nerves. To each his own!

    • Becky December 14, 2016 at 4:16 pm #

      That’s one way to turn the tables Marijka, haha.

  32. Jim December 13, 2016 at 8:01 pm #

    Any chance you are an INTP? Just curious. 🙂

    • Chris December 13, 2016 at 8:39 pm #

      What is INTP?

      • Jim December 13, 2016 at 9:08 pm #

        I guess that question was a bit assuming and esoteric. Such is my way. 🙂

        There is something called MBTI (Myers Briggs Type Indicator). My understanding is that this is a further refinement of work originally done by Carl Jung in 1920s (might be off with the year on that) and carried further by Isabel Myers and Katherine Briggs during the 1940s. The MBTI isolates human personality into 16 groups. One determines which group one belong in by taking a test originally developed by Isabel and Katherine.

        In my opinion, this test is somewhat analogous to original television tests in the 1920s where the resolution was so low that while you could make out a basic image, it left a lot to be desired. So too with this. Nonetheless, MBTI offers an interesting insight into human personality preferences that says a lot about someone while at the same time definitely not saying everything.

        So INTP is one of the 16 personality types. The first letter distinguishes between introverted vs. extroverted. The second letter between intuitive and sensors. The third letter between thinkers and feelers. And the last letter between perceivers and judgers.

        If one Googles this stuff, you can get more info. Wikipedia and the Myers Briggs foundation would be a couple reputable sources, among others.

    • Becky December 14, 2016 at 4:23 pm #

      I’m not sure Jim, I think I took that test once but it was a long time ago and I didn’t pay much attention to the results. To be honest I hate being labeled and put in a box of any sort so I tend to avoid things like that.

  33. Vanholio! December 14, 2016 at 10:49 am #

    That’s it! Be true to yourself. I’ve known several folks who don’t want kids, and they lead as good a life as anyone else. I shouldn’t even have to qualify that!

    Vanholio’s been married twice. At this point, I don’t have an interest in shacking up again. Not saying it won’t happen, but I’m not looking. I find myself pretty damn happy traveling around, just me and the dogs.
    Vanholio! recently posted..How to Make Money While Traveling in a Van – Part 2My Profile

    • Becky December 14, 2016 at 4:24 pm #

      You’re happy, that’s what counts.

  34. Kit December 14, 2016 at 12:53 pm #

    I also don’t plan to have kids, but I did volunteer for 2 years at a children’s shelter (where foster kids go while waiting for a family placement). I always wanted to do the foster thing, but since I also have no plans to ever have a house, that probably won’t happen either (home inspections and other such barriers). I figure when I retire I’d like to volunteer at the shelter again. I love working with kids.
    As for a partner, I’m not married at the moment but very happy with my guy and can’t imagine anyone else in my future. Also very used to being single previously and have pitched a tent alone before.

  35. Kent December 14, 2016 at 3:43 pm #

    Hmm.. Not married, no kids……… a writer…….. female…. Begs the question if your next book will be great poetry? Kidding you Becky.

    Celebrate diversity I say..

    • Becky December 14, 2016 at 4:27 pm #

      Thanks for sharing Kit. And no, poetry isn’t my thing. 😉

  36. Jose December 14, 2016 at 4:45 pm #

    Hello Becky, i guess i’m not normal either and i get that same question from people i know. and i am gay. lol

    • Becky December 16, 2016 at 9:22 am #

      Normal is boring. Screw normal. 😉

  37. Mark December 14, 2016 at 5:12 pm #

    Thanks Becky, great answer. I really appreciate your insight and thoughtful perspective. The key is that you are “living your” life, not following others’ pressures or “normalized” whims.

    I have been married for 35 years to the same woman. We have 2 children in their 20’s. Our goal is to live our life, not live vicariously through our children’s lives. My wife and I are retired and travel 3-4 months a year biking and camping, using class B type van.

    We can all do better at seeking out our passions and interests, without succumbing to the pressures of a consumptive materialistic society or the demands to be “normal.” You are a great role model for this. You have just as vital and valid life as a single full timer, than anyone with spouse, kids or 8-5 job. Keep pursuing your dreams and letting us share in your insight and wisdom.

    • Becky December 16, 2016 at 9:23 am #

      Glad you enjoyed this post Mark.

  38. Dianna Stavros December 14, 2016 at 5:22 pm #

    Becky, I was just the opposite as a young adult and wanted children so badly. Had them two marriages and now single 51 and looking forward to embracing the time. I love that my daughter is similar to you. She works enough to travel. Keep true to yourself.

    • Becky December 16, 2016 at 9:25 am #

      It’s great that we’re all different Dianna, the world would be a lot less fun if everyone felt the same way.

  39. Luke Garrett December 14, 2016 at 7:42 pm #

    Good for you Bec… keep on keepin’ on.

  40. Alvin Tosh December 14, 2016 at 10:57 pm #

    I completely agree with you on your article and your comments afterwards. I enjoy RVing solo. I have never married, and don’t plan on it anytime in the future. I never had any kids because I said a very long time ago that I would not have any without me being married first. That is just my choice. On the road I have gone out with people that I have met along the way for dinner, a movie or whatever else we decided upon. But I never considered any of them as a real date per say. It was just friends out enjoying time together and nothing more. It is great seeing people that have been together for many many years. I have been single living alone for so long that I truly do not think that I could live with someone in my space even though my last relationship was over 20 years with someone that said from the beginning that they would never marry again. It is great to enjoy time with others, but also be in a position to have alone time any time that we want it. I absolutely love kids and will do anything that I can for them. I am still a kid at heart myself a lot of times.

    • Becky December 16, 2016 at 9:26 am #

      Thanks for sharing Alvin.

  41. Greg December 14, 2016 at 11:01 pm #

    Happy holidays to You all

    • Becky December 16, 2016 at 9:26 am #

      And to you as well Greg.

  42. Debbie LaFleiche December 15, 2016 at 5:37 pm #

    I loved your answer, Becky. And as someone who feels exactly the same way, I can say you aren’t alone.
    Debbie LaFleiche recently posted..Choosing a Tow VehicleMy Profile

    • Becky December 16, 2016 at 9:27 am #

      Glad you enjoyed this Debbie.

  43. marijka December 16, 2016 at 1:59 pm #

    I was tidying up my quote collection and came across these…

    Be a loner. That gives you time to wonder, to search for the truth. Have holy curiosity. Make your life worth living. – Albert Einstein

    To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

    • Becky December 17, 2016 at 6:22 pm #

      Good ones Marijka!

  44. Maria_levy December 18, 2016 at 11:52 am #

    Becky, amazing how many comments you generated from this post! This may be a great topic to explore further.
    I am also single, age 47 and never wanted children. It seems that the freedom gained has allowed me to contribute so much more time and energy to other causes (animals, mentoring at risk youth, etc.) This is the path I’ve found fulfilling and in no way do I judge those who have chosen a different route. I often get the questioning and pitiful attitudes from some who wonder why I did not want children. Most assume I am a lesbian or I just physically couldn’t bear children. Actaully, it was a choice and one I am thankful I made.
    Thank you for opening this up for discussion. I am glad to know there are others who feel the same.
    Maria

    • Becky December 18, 2016 at 5:28 pm #

      Thanks for shring Maria!

  45. SuzannaDanna December 21, 2016 at 7:17 pm #

    Wow! What a response to your post. I guess you hit a nerve. I am female, 55, never married,no kids. Not full time yet, but soon. I do miss having someone to travel with, check out a new restaurant with, hike with, etc. but then again, having someone around ALL THE TIME would get old really fast. I sometimes think the ideal man would have his own RV and we could meet up here and there. Maybe one of those FB groups….Seriously, I never knew that I wasn’t the only “weirdo” around, I’m glad to hear that there are plenty of others.

    • Becky December 21, 2016 at 7:36 pm #

      I know couples who do just that Suzanna, most well known among them perhaps is Bob Wells of Cheap RV Living, him and his SO travel in separate vans and while they meet up often they don’t always travel together.

      And no, you’re definitely not alone. 🙂

  46. Craig December 26, 2016 at 4:23 pm #

    Becky,

    I’ve been following your blog for more than a year, and this is the first time I’ve commented on one of your posts. I don’t have much to add about the marriage and children issue. I’m 57, married, with 19 and 16 year old sons. For the most part, I am content with my choices in life. Each of us has to find our own way. I respect you for sticking to your path in the face of negative feedback.

    I also want to compliment you for your many thoughtful and thought provoking posts. You are an inspiration to me. While I have some family obligations to fulfill over the next few years, I am actively planning to embrace the kind of life you live. Thank you for sharing your insights and experiences in your blog. I wish you happy travels in 2017. I’ll be watching and enjoying from afar.

    • Becky December 28, 2016 at 8:22 pm #

      I’m glad you decided to come out of the woodwork and comment Craig, it’s always nice to hear that IO is having an impact on other’s lives, makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. 🙂 Best of luck to you!

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